“Sociality is as much a part of human nature as the craving for sweets.” – Edward O. Wilson, Biologist.

Perhaps it is time to look at the sweets we crave.

Almost every moment of every day involves some form of social interaction. Many of these interactions can be pleasant and highly anticipated while others come with pressure, constraints and limitations – especially for those of us navigating the unique challenges of being autistic, ADHD or other forms of neurodivergence.

Life’s interactions are a delicate dance for all of us, especially for neurodivergent individuals like me. The moment we are talking to another human being, whether that is via text, email, online, face to face, in a group or just one other person, the interaction becomes social. There is no escaping sociality (believe me I have tried) and it often feels like a game of threading the needle or living in a bubble with the rest of the world outside. For myself and my neurodivergent kids, the moment anything becomes ‘social,’ it immediately embodies a spectrum of sensory experiences, communication nuances and the ongoing negotiation of societal pressures, or said simply, being normal.

As a neurodivergent woman with a career spanning over 30 years, I can tell you that social interaction is not confined to my friends and family. I am often dealing with the pervasive nature of social interaction on a practical and philosophical level. Conversations can become ‘battlegrounds’ where neurodivergent perspectives sometimes clash with the expectations of conventional communication.

In the professional realm, embracing neurodiversity within a group of people often means challenging the constraints of conventional workplace dynamics. Diverse teams, despite their proven benefits in innovation and problem-solving, find themselves struggling to work together and utilise their vast skill base and lived experiences. Until my diagnosis and personal discovery of the ways my brain works and what makes a difference to me, every workplace until now has left me suppressed and in many cases, limited, not contributing half of what I am capable of and sometimes even mute.

Recent studies, including research published in the “Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders,” (let me be clear I do not see Autism as a developmental nor any kind of disorder) emphasise the constraints neurodivergent individuals face in workplaces that struggle to accommodate diverse cognitive styles. The hard truth is neurodivergent people are not employed, or under-utilised and expected to alter their behaviours constantly. There are many studies that demonstrate the same data over and over again, neurodivergent people are disadvantaged in most workplaces, facing constant challenge, little to no job satisfaction, limits on their productivity, reduced well-being and very little freedom to be themselves.

In the current paradigm of most workplaces, you will hear things like:

I have personally sat in an office dumbfounded at the amount of chit chat about peoples’ lives, and the lack of work, only to be told that working from home is way less productive.

I know that my mind is a constant cacophony of thoughts, extraordinary, amazing thoughts that race on multiple tracks concurrently. If you ask me to sit still in a meeting right across from you, or on my laptop, it will take me everything to remain present and clear. Yet, if you let me doodle on paper, play solitaire on my phone, or write notes, the excess energy my brain uses can focus on the conversation at hand, leaving me clear, present, and able to contribute powerfully.

“Social relations are the sum of frustrations, individual and collective. But at the same time, to live together, individuals have to contain their frustrations.” – Bruno Latour, Sociologist.

The struggle to create genuine, authentic, workable human connection, for all kinds of people can be tough, and it seems neurodiversity adds a layer of uniqueness. No matter how many times we hear that diverse teams benefit innovation, problem solving, productivity and results, those same teams find themselves constrained, confused, or segregated from one another, without even addressing the missed opportunity of what people could contribute if they were allowed to behave in ways that work for them. Each of us lives with the consideration of whether we are accepted, respected, liked, known or valued and this weighs heavily on the debate of cost/benefit analysis of truly being authentic in the workplace.

Where to from here?

So here we are, navigating the constraints, pressures, and limitations of societal expectations where every brain is different with a lifetime of varied experiences. With current stats saying 1 in 70 Australians are autistic, perhaps rather than debate whether “sociality is as much part of human nature as craving sweets” (Edward O. Wilson), we really allow people to say what sweets they crave and allow them to have them.

No amount of sticking our fingers in our ears or writing workplace policies will make this go away, nor will it empower us to be great at our jobs and love going to work. Maybe there will be a place in which you can join the Thursday Touch Footy Team, work fully from home whilst playing solitaire, hang out for Espresso Martinis on a Friday and not be judged for being quiet in the conversation about what was on TV last night all at once. Perhaps it is time to go beyond the tick a box inclusion procedures, awareness and protocols and move into a judgement free exploration that redefines what the word ‘social’ means itself.

‘The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.’ – Alan Watts, Philosopher.

Time to dance.